How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
