butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
