It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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