there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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