This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
a search helicopter?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
