So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
