Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
