using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
