i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
