On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
