this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
