Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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