I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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