i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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