I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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