I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
