i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
