it hurts more in the daytime
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
