I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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