So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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