I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
