I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
