so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Small penises have feelings too.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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