Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Don't make out with my wife yet
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
