does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
