I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You made out with two different species that night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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