u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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