If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
