I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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