You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
