Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
