Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
