Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We left an ass print on the piano.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
