I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
