so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
