As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
