I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
