I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
