Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
