hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
