I wish I could teleport
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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