I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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