Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
