I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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