do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
