cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
