i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
