what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
