ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
