My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
