i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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