my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Randomize
